Basic stance, 20 min

I have bones! I discovered I have bones. I made the pudding today; yesterday, my feet were still cold. When I become the feeling, where can I go?

Early in the morning, when walking Uku, I felt as if there was so much space around my bones. That was something I had never noticed or felt before. I then recalled how, for such a big part of my life, I had felt fat, and I wondered if that was just gripping onto a feeling that I found somewhere and then expanding it to the whole body.

Suddenly, I feel like I know nothing, and It feels so good and liberating. I had been scared of knowing everything, this strange fear that one moment I would know everything and then disappear. Maybe that is possible one day, but I feel so much relief now that I just discovered that I have bones (and counted how many of them I can move to change my stance). I think I was terrified that I would lose this experience. Now that I finally really want to be here. That suddenly, it will all be taken away. Can my experience be taken away? Or am I all that I have been through and that will always be? Each moment adding to the next? I think I was scared that one moment, it’s all gone as if it never was, without a trance. If I merge with the collective consciousness and retake form, do I still have my previous journey within me? I always assumed that merging was disappearing. That my consciousness will fall into pieces. Is it possible?

Reality is created by focus and concentration. If I just flow, I will just fill up the space and experience the flow, but will not create borders, nothing that stands out. The borders are always created from the expense of something, something has to be let go or used as building blocks.

I choose the focus and what to grow. Everything has potential and everything contains within itself a lesson, a teaching, therefore everything is worth doing, nothing is ever worthless if we keep going

the more I observe, the more I learn to trust that it is ok to go with the flow

what happens when I don’t choose ? when I just go

By not choosing I will grow bigger, each time I decide to stay in stillness, I grow bigger

as I choose to keep creating I choose to feel and not follow a thought

maybe if I let go of grasping, I can find out who I am ? that its just not endless flow, but there will be a station to where I float and know myself? what am I this time. what did I choose to be this time. is this the game?

what makes me..me? someones mistake? my mistake? mistake that sets the boundary?

maybe I become what I need?

so each time I feel the need for something, this is what I become?

I needed a safe space, so I am becoming a safe space.

but what will I lose if I choose to become?

is the fear of loss keeping me from choosing?

and while I don’t everything keeps turning dark?

fear

I don’t want to choose because of fear

fear of dark

I want to choose because I know it is the right moment

thoughts are like building blocks.

i know what to do

maybe only by letting go what we need can we become what we need otherwise what we need will stand in our way?

the pain becomes the soil for what is to come

I dissolve

I dissolve

I dissolve

I am dying

I am becoming dark

a seed in the dark

right after I had finally come to love what I was so much

my safe space has gotten dark

the one that seemed so nice before

its becoming smaller

until there is no difference anymore

between me and darkness

I am the darkness

will I wake up as a butterfly?

i trust

I trust

that once I wake up

it will be funny

whatever I am

let it be a surprise

I trust you divine

I am a surprise

because I am the only thing I was not

before I died

and because I am endless

there is no way of knowing

what seed am I?

my intuition is leading me to places where something is off

one is asleep and that provides all others a game?

whose game is this?

let go of concept

just feel

by trying to understand, we fill it up, the space gets small

by letting go of trying to understand, we can start to feel what is , the more we feel, maybe,

the bigger it gets?

how can you find yourself when you are the one who is looking? you are the one who is looking

once I found joy

I stopped looking

maybe that is what I am

joy

I am not a thing

I am a feeling

I think I just unlocked my throat chakra

I went out

A guy came up to me

Do you have a boyfriend?

No

Can I be a candidate?

Joy

Maybe I should follow