Healing trauma from calves.

I carried deep embarrassment for my calves since early childhood. More precisely after looking at a class picture where my calves looked half bigger than other girls’. My mother occasionally scolded me about why I stomped like an elephant when I went up and down the stairs at home. Today, as I was writing this text, my eye was caught by a video where a baby elephant is chasing birds around. I let my heart melt as I admired how admirable the elephant was and then I read the text: Elephant calf having fun until it falls over and runs to its mother. This is when I am learning about the double meaning of the word.

Through drawing I was able to understand that the size of the calves comes from the necessity to support thighs which, from an early age, have carried huge amounts of emotional trauma due to feeling unsafe at home. Feeling vulnerable often is a result of tension in the inner thighs. Being nervous, impatient and lacking trust in your close ones often result in tension in this area. Packed childhood anger. Often rage at the father.

Rage at the father was not mine, it was my mother’s. The starting point of the incidents was always toys. Playing. Mess. My mother would , most probably due to the lack of control she had over her own decisions, be triggered at our messy rooms.