17.10.24.

Location: root chakra/third eye chakra

Basic Stance

Lately, during my creative process I have had such jaw-dropping experiences that there have been many times that I have asked myself…is this even real? I mean, yes, theoretically I know that in a sence, nothing is real, but still, there are certain patterns that create the illusion that reality is at least a bit stable and having these patterns is really crucial to feel safe and secure and not feel like I am completely out of my mind. Its like.. the soul seems to want to go to really far places and just live through creative process, but the mind is equally important and has to be really taken care of as well. So sometimes when reality shifts in a drastic way, the mind gets scared. And I think that cultivating a realationship will become the key component in balancing everything out. That the center is the center of body, mind and soul and …it can be fun to overthink sometimes or really let go in the creative process and see these unbelievable images surface as the “mind I” steps aside. So I think that by having healthy relationships and understanding of each of the trishula (body, mind and atman) , it is more safe to venture to faraway places in creative process in the knowing,that you can always return to the body, the temple.

Full moon. HUnters moon

I had a dream. I wanted to sleep, but I couldn’t with my dog in the same room. So I put Uku to sleep in a train that was stending next to me. As I went out, he jumped through the windows to come to me and as I grabbed him in my arms I noticed that his head was bleeding, after few moments he was dead. My best friend died in my arms. This is the most traumatising dream I have ever had. A part of me died. But which part? It is said that when we fear something and are not in acceptance with that what we fear, happening, we are inviting this into our lives so that we could experience that fear. Maybe this is a part of which happened.

before i was using drawing to calm down my nervous system so the drawings a lot of the times depict that tense energy and transformation. but maybe, now as I will learn how to calm the nervous system down into my body, the drawings can start to carry more useful messages instead of emotion transofmrations?

it is important to enjoy the body while doing a creative thing because then the enjoyment and balance of the body will also reflect in the work.

Responsibility

I begin to understand that while nothing should be done for others in a sense that i do that to get something out of it, at the same time the way i show up in the world, as that effects others and also how much i can be useful for others, i should take responsibility for my own well being so that my contribution is valuable and creates more harmony and not more darkness. by taking responsibility for how i feel i therefore “control” that that which surrounds me shares more light. also…maybe there is free will:) free will to either take care of oneself or not.

free will might be to choose the more difficult option

As I was drawing this image, I just felt so overwhelmed with everything that is happening. I realised that I have no control over the energies, I have just let them do what they want. And that was purposeful and that is purposeful when there is a need to transform energy, to quickly see the current state of being and release, but I see now how that has served its purpose( for now?) All though energies have been jamming up many times in my drawings, this time it was somehow different, I felt like I should maybe..have control?

So as always:), I then noticed that there is a solution in the image. And that is the little ant right on the bottom, in the middle of the drawing. And when you look closely through both images, you can see how the ant cleverly slipped its idea of a structure through all the mess. At first the structure is upside down and then it slowly comes down, it is possible to track by looking at the 0-s, but also follow the colors. Red is the color of root, structure, stability, order, Aries.

(this observation done on October 19)

Later in the evening I felt the urge to just go somewhere. I didn’t know, where, but I have been starting to understand more and more that if I have a urge to go somewhere, then there is some place or thing that is on the other side of this. That I would not feel like going somewehre is there was no place waiting for me to come there. That I can only feel like doing something when there is equal desire on the other side for me to do it.

I decided to just trust the process as I have learned to while drawing and tried to, as best as I could, follow the intuition with belief, that wherever I end up, is for some reason important, that I will experience something that is of some significance.

So I ended up in Klooga Beach, I am not even sure I had ever been there. But I thought I had…but when I looked at the location, it was unfamiliar to me, so that in itself was also a great sign because I feel like in order to find myself in a new location outside myself is the effect of internal shift.

So here is what caught my attention:

As I took the images, I didn’t really think too much of them. I was just present and didn’t analyze. I knew that the children’s toy the yellow castle was significant. At that moment I thought it signified me reaching a castle in solar plexus, but now I know that instead, it signified the beginning of the journey to the yellow castle and not the reaching of it 🙂 After all, it is a toy and not a real castle.

The first images in retrospect carry the message that the creativity by itself does not have a strong structure, the building is in decay, it is not possible to live there. It does look interesting, but it does not offer security.

The last image and finding the brown bricks was interesting, I felt like I had never seen brown bricks before, they looked like they were made out of chocolate. I was very much drawn to them, they looked so fresh and inviting and somehow not so hard, but rather soft, radiating warmth unlike white bricks, for example which to me have a very cold apparence to them…anyway, very earthy feeling with these brown bricks. If nobody wants them, I may go back to see if I can have them.

Google:

Throughout ancient cultures, brown was often associated with the earth, representing fertility, stability, and grounding. In psychology, brown is linked to feelings of warmth, comfort, and reliability